It can be difficult for society to accept those with disabilities, especially of the intellectual or developmental kind.
Many hold the false belief that individuals with these disabilities will not be able to live full lives.
Not only is that entirely false, but it’s also rather insulting – especially when you consider stories like these.
Paul Scharoun-DeForge and Kris Scharoun-DeForge, aged 56 and 59 respectively, received a Down Syndrome diagnosis as children.
One day in the 1980s, they both decided to attend a dance event for those with disabilities, and they immediately felt sparks fly.
Eight years later, after a good long while of dating, Kris realized that she saw her future in Paul – and so she proposed to him, and he accepted.
Sadly, after a long 25 years of love, Paul passed away, not too long after their August wedding anniversary, during which they renewed vows.
His passing was a result of an early onset of Alzheimer’s disease, and it marks the end of the longest marriage between two individuals with Down Syndrome.
Paul and Kris lived a very happy life together and were extremely excited to begin their shared lives after agreeing to marry.
Unfortunately, they faced some opposition from the New York state government, who were believed that this may not be an ethical decision, as they doubted the couple’s ability to give consent to a marriage of this kind.
It took years and years of tests and discussion, including potentially degrading ones designed to measure each individual’s sexual knowledge, needs, and emotions.
But they eventually won the battle, and in 1993, the pair said “I do” and embarked on their new life and husband and wife.
Paul and Kris enjoyed a marriage that was virtually no different from any neurotypical marriage.
They lived together in a bedroom in an apartment society with state support for those with disabilities and worked jobs – Kris at a Pizza Hut, and Paul at a workshop at the Arc of Onondaga.
They shared their home with carers, became godparents to a niece, and lived their daily lives just like everyone else.
Then, one year ago, it became clear that something was wrong with Paul.
He was showing signs of dementia – a degenerative disease that occurs in around 50% of individuals aged 50 and over with Down’s Syndrome.
He began having difficulty recognizing others, but he knew Kris when he saw her.
Kris was determined to be by his side till the very end – something that became much harder when his condition worsened to the point where he needed to move out and receive professional care elsewhere.
Paul passed away in April 2019. Kris was distraught and upset, but she takes comfort remembering a painting she had given to him recently – of a butterfly.
She likes to think of her late husband as soaring through the sky, free.
In August, on the date of their anniversary, Kris plans to go to New York’s Adirondack Mountains – Paul’s favorite vacation location – to scatter his ashes.
Their unconditional love has inspired countless around the globe.
